Ay fellas.

A quick rundown on fourth year of med school and why it sucked:

1. We started fourth year with months of online classes because of MCO.

2. I was placed in a posting group with none of my closest friends in it when they (idk who) place all of the couples in the same posting group with the rationale that if they are in the same group they won't break up or something, hence ensuring their smooth journey without any hiccups, like a break up. stupid ass shit policy-if that's the case i would've dated my bestfriends if that's the only way for me to get to be in the same group as they are

3. Started the year in a posting with the highest failure rate-psychiatry. And who would've thunk--i've failed. I passed the remedial tho but. anyways will elaborate more on this later.

4. Because of the stupid mco and covid shit our clinical exposure was reduced. 4th year is already so fucking demanding because we couldn't fail more than 1 major posting if we don't want to go straight to repeating the whole year (we have 3, 4 major postings if com med is included) and they cut down our exposure some more...

5. A cluster started after we came back to hostel from our raya break, which led us to quarantine and derail our academic year (again) for ~5 months.

and the list goes on.

I know i'm also tired of complaining of how sucked 4th year and 2021 was but i promise this would be the last of it, because this post serves as a closure. 

So anyways, i found out i've failed my psychiatry posting after i have done with all of other postings- so that was a saving grace tbh. Can you imagine the mental toll it would've took on me if i had known that right after i was done with psychiatry? i would've gone into obs&gynae and paeds with unbearable pressure and prob tons of nervous break. Psychiatry man....let me tell you....HAHAHAH. I went into this posting feeling like a school girl with a starry eyed crush, and i left this posting with a weariness of a 80 y/o widow who had lost her husband to the war 45 years before. It's fun to learn, yes, but i was left mentally exhausted after the remedials.

Funny thing is that, it's not the posting's fault.

I went into this posting thinking it should be similar to other clinical postings. you have to take as much as history you could to get more marks. but boy was i wrong....for the remedial exam, i didn't even get to finish clerking for but i get a collective of 64 marks from the examiners. to compare: i got a 44 before for a quite complete history and that's how i discovered what is it that these psychiatrists want. They want social skills and empathy, both of which i lack, and this has been the case since i was born. lmao

ok i have empathy. i'm just more selective with whom i show it. i couldn't procure a genuine empathy AND express it to people i've just met. i feel sympathy, i do, i'm not a psychopath. its just empathy is a lil bit tricky for me. plus expressing it? feels like trying to figure out how calculus works.

but yeah. anyways what's past is past. lets not dwell on it. after some depressive phases, the longest was when i was in o&g posting (god i hated o&g with a BURNING passion) i've finished with my 4th year and now i'm a final year med student! one year to go before completing med school and becoming an actual doctor with actual responsibilities and existential dread! yay?

ah whatever. we deal with whatever we have to deal when it comes. one step at a time.

bye!