wehoo the last post was made on september, a day before minor posting started and behold! its been three months since and minor postings have long gone and i'm now a fourth year med student. wild.

as a response to the last paragraph of aforementioned post-i did not snagged the top student title. no one did. LMAO. our minor posting exams are chill as heck. through google form and stuff. one of the posting we didnt even get our marks (we can if we want to, but we'd have to reach out the year coordinator). but who cares? we've passed and on to fouth year we go!

and heck. i still didnt have the luxury to be placed into the same group as my besties. again i was thrown into a sea of people i dont particularly care about (except jon) and starts with the most difficult posting with the highest failure rate-the ever notorious-psychiatry. actually we started with orthopedics for two weeks but lets face it-its. just. unremarkable. anywAYS we started with psychiatry, and ofc i was bummed as hell. not only i didnt get into the same group as my friends are but i was also thrown into the group that starts fourth year with the most difficult posting to pass! ngl i was depressed for a couple of weeks lmao. i probably have some kind of premenstrual dysphoric syndrome because by the time i got my period my mood actually improved lol. idk. but nevertheless, i was bummed. find it really hard to concentrate and all. thank god ortho exam was easy. 

but then we started psychiatry last week and i actually feel happy rn? to be honest-i never feel this way before with other postings. it felt like having a crush HAHAHA. but seriously though-i feel legit butterflies! psychiatry is FUN, and different, and i LIKED IT. though its worthy to note that fun does not equate to it being easy. yea it might be fun, but exams will still be difficult. but i feel like the fact that i found this posting interesting as heck make studying more enjoyable-therefore obviously will help me in regards to exam, won't it? i'm going to make a leap of faith here and say-yes it will. hehe. 

psychiatry is the whole reason why i'm here in the first place anyways-i wanted to be a psychologist-but being a upm foundation grad, i couldn't pursue my degree anywhere else, and upm happen to not have a psychology course. so second plan-being a psychiatrist. but to be one i have to earn a medical degree first-and so i went to pursue medicine. and here i am. look at me now. who would've thought? not me.

but tbh my interest in psychiatry has since dwindled down-partly because i was exposed to other postings-i'm very into neurology after my third year major postings, and partly because i thought psychiatry wouldn't suit my personality. it feels like if you want to be one, you'll have to be someone who isnt-/gestures to all of me/ ya know? hHAHA. what i meant was, i'm an introvert. socially insecure. empathy is something i have to really work for, its not something i acquire innately. i'm cold-for the lack of better word. pretty sure psychiatrists have to be engaging, at least can put others at ease, friendly, with high empathy. not something i would attribute to myself.

but this first week of psychiatry made me fall in love in it back again. there's just something about it, man. neurology tickles me intellectually-but psychiatry tickles me emotionally. hehe.

which is why i am pissed at the fact that psychiatry is my first posting. because subsequent postings will be tremendously dull compared to it! and i have another 30 weeks comprising of 4 postings to go after psychiatry posting is over. like??? uhuhuhu. i'm particularly not very excited about community medicine because i'll have to socialize and stuff. something to do with having to stay in another state with some of my group members in one house. just thinking about it make me shudder goddamnit. 

anyways that's it for now. gotta study and earn that best student title (again) HOHOHO 

till then. ciao!