if you know who i am you might have an idea of how emotionally expressive i am (hint: probably not too expressive) and how i can be annoyingly cold and prefer things to be strictly logical. i've always thought it's a benefit to be somewhat 'un-emotional' because of various reasons. i rarely get hurt for one, because less things bother me. i rarely also involve in any 'dramas' or 'conflicts' because i rarely take anything at heart-plainly said-i care less about a lot of things. i don't take offends easily because i tend to rationalize situations. you know the drills. for me, the more robotic i am, the better. life is easier. i breathe more freely. in any case, i thought the opposite is extremely immature. i think showing your emotions freely is immature. people who are easily offended are, for the lack of better words, are immature. i always scoff at those who have strong opinions about certain things because they 'need to chill out'. i strive to avoid to deal with these people. but ironically i am surrounded with these type of people HAHAHA

my friends are mainly what i would call the 'heart above head' type of people. they speak of their emotions freely, they have tight and expressive relationship with their family, they love and hate fiercely. if there are certain things that they find offensive, they would express their feelings-by their own ways: some would give silent treatment, some would lashes out, some would talk it out on the spot, some would 'merajuk' even. all the things i have a hard time at attempting to do. note how i used 'have a hard time' instead of 'didn't want to' because god knows how i have tried but these things do not come naturally to me man.  when i'm mad i will usually rationalize my feelings so i usually ended up in either 2 situations:

1) my feelings resolved by itself as i find being annoyed by it is irrational

2) i bottled down my feelings for the fear of if i express it out the situation will become worser-until when i couldn't take it anymore, i'd explode-and by exploding i mean, throwing-things-screaming-saying-hurtful-words-kinda exploding.

and so i found myself in a few situations in which a friend of mine-a person who deal with these situations oppositely as i do-confront the conflict head on. a few weeks ago we sort of got into this small conflict-and this friend of mine was really offended by what a member in our project team had said-and what she did was, she sent him a long ass text message about what she was feeling, what he did wrong, why she was offended about what he said.

my initial response to this was: eh? is this necessary?

i thought doing something like that would create unnecessary drama. at that point i questioned her move because i just wanted to get the job done quickly, and having a conflict at this moment wasn't a good idea. i told her to wait until we were finished with the project-but she said that she couldn't wait any longer-that its her way of dealing with conflicts: only after she rant and vent about how she was feeling to that person will she be calm and focused. i stood with my ground-i still thought it was immature and unnecessary, seeing also that the things he said that she claimed to be offensive can be interpreted in other ways, and i can actually understand what he meant-i was pretty sure he didn't meant it the way she thought he did. but i okayed her decision to send him the text message anyway, with a warning not to let their 'drama' to interrupt our project.

and so they did.

apparently, her decision is actually a right one. the guy admit his mistakes, and thanked her for telling him upfront. his ways did become better after that, and it was apparent that he learnt from his mistakes (as what told to him by my friend) and fixed them.

i was lowkey shooketh by all of these lmao.

it was so easy? i always believed running from a possible conflict is the best way to deal with conflicts-yes it was beneficial in the sense of i didn't have to deal with any unnecessary dramas or emotionally draining situations-but in the long run-it wasn't good for my own emotional health. i denied and second guessed my own feelings, always labeling them as irrational when actually,,,it's not?? its healthy once in a while to be mad, to be sad, and expressing them can actually help redeem your relationships instead of ruining them. and also if you bottle up your feelings too much-it never ends well. i learnt that the hard way.

so long story short, conflicts are best dealt heads on. tell the other party about what you're feeling, because your feelings are valid. you're a human!! so you're allowed to feel things!! and how do the other party can ever fix their ways if you don't tell them? so it is actually beneficial to both sides. 

but make sure how you deal with this is healthy la. don't go around and yell insensitive remarks at them or burn their house and car or something. how my friend did it were:

1) first and foremost always start with telling them how you're feeling
2) why she felt like that (the reason)

3) how can the other party try to improve this

4) offers an insight about their good values (to soothe em a bit maybe? haha)

so yea. i gained a new knowledge on how to be more human. feelings and emotions are healthy, not a weakness. remember the pixar movie Inside Out? yea its the same thing. how Riley felt numb because she repressed her emotions-she can't even feel sad-ouch man that shit hit me hard in the heart. that scene where she finally let herself cry? yEAH i felt that too.

i'm still learning though. i'm still actively avoiding conflicts like a plague and i find it mega hard to express my feelings but at least this taught me that expressing what was your feelings are not immature. on the contrary, its hella mature. hella. takes a verrryyyyyy brave soul to confront a conflict heads on.

my mans and womans out there who take on conflicts like they're nothing: yall are my HERO. keep doin your own thing.

all right ya girly need to study, toodles for now!