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| friend friend friend friend friend friend | friend friend friend friend friend friend | friend friend friend friend friend friend |
no wonder the other day this one makcik asked me about how would i feel if somebody else is given the credit for something that i work for-i thought she was asking me for the behalf of our friend but the situation is actually about her-haih this woman. so i answered from what i know about the other friend situation, and she was mad at me lmao. wouldnt be easier if she tells me from the get go it was about her? i'd answer differently. so here's my answer now: i'd be bummed. if its something that i'd work my ass off and somebody else get to take all the credit for it i'd be hella disappointed. but that's ok. you dont have to feel apologetic to feel angry-you have all the right to be angry. if it were me i'd text the person who praised someone else high and beyond for something that i actually done for the most part and tell him to give the credit when its due. some might find this unnecessary and maybe a bit self righteous even but who cares? i did the shit, i ought to get pay for that shit. not someone else. i wondered something along this issue a lot these past few days-what's more important-being kind to others and make decisions that will hurt nobody even though the decision will take a toll on ourselves-also known better as the 'people pleaser' OR being more selfish and only make decisions that will benefit me and only me a.k.a to the hell with other people. i actually am programmed to do the latter HAHAHAAH it's something that i'm ingrained with since as early as i can remember. and now i found myself in a frequent company with people that are the exact opposite type. how does it like? amusing, but most of the time, annoying HAHAHAHAAHH no it wasnt because i thought how they make decisions are wrong, no way is the wrong way-each ways are the right way for different people. i happen to make decision differently than them. sometimes i get really frustrated though because they always have to think about others, they always have to put people first before themselves when they're making a decision and i. just. want to yell into their ears-'FORGET OTHER PEOPLE!!!' but i can't because that would be rude. and then i started to think about the Prophet PBUH himself-he's selfless, wasn't he? always caring about others, always helping others as much as he can no matter how it'd take a toll on him or not, so following him is only a noble thing to do. but then i thought again-he's a PROPHET. and we're humans. just humans. i'm not asking these friends i have that are very kind and selfless to start being more selfish, but for the love of god-start thinking about yourself too. you can be kind, you can help others but set some boundaries. i mean, if helping other people in the context of saving their LITERAL lives aku boleh faham la kan but if you're not in any life threatening situation then you are allowed to be selfish. really, you are. i'm not fine with seeing these friends struggling to tend to their own needs and put themselves second and other people first. do these people put money in your table? or did they ever return your favor? pretty sure the answer for both is no. the only thing that'll come out of this is they'll becoming more thirsty for your help that they started to asking more of it and started to take you for granted. its ok to be selfish!!1! its not wrong when all you wanted to do is to take care of yourself. i love you and your kindness is something that i lack and envy myself but for the love of god (2) other people are not the only ones that deserve them. you deserve them too. same goes for me la. i also need to consider other people more. i'm going to be in a healthcare profession after all. be more of what people call as 'warm-hearted'. blergh. still got a long way to go lmao. i'm sleepy. its still early though, 1.22 AM. but it's raining so i might crash in early soo ciao! (edit) i'm actually a true neutral?? my whole life is a lie ;-; oh yea true neutral and chaotic neutral are two out of a few others (i don't remember how many are there lmao) moral alignment. its sort of a personality trait founded/developed through the D&D game. google is your bestfriend!
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