I felt like an airhead, honestly lol. I got told off for the simplest things, like the way i hold equipments or the way i stand, my hand gestures...basically i'm reliving my form 1 days. i'm the only new employee so of course i'd be the slowest and it's realllyyyyyyyyyy frustrating. i felt very awkward no matter what i do, and i felt like every moves i'm doing, others will watch and judge. my self esteem is very low too lol, adding the cherry on top of the shit cake. and when i'm feeling self inferior, you know what i'd do? i judge people a lot more critically. ah--this is the misconception people always have about me---that i look like i judge other people like my life is depended on it; but the truth is i don't. HONESTLY. believe me pls. 

when i stares at you hard, it doesn't meant i'm judging you but i'm analyzing the things you've just said inside my head. that's why eyebrows aku maybe furrowed and stuff. i'm having an internal analysis. i also don't judge those who i don't care about, lol. maksudnya those who are close to me memang akan jadi mangsa aku. but it's only because i know them well enough to judge them. i'm usually an open-minded person, asal kau tak kacau hidup aku, buat lah apa yang kau nak buat, i won't judge. buttt bila aku stress, in a tight position where my self esteem is low, the toxic habit begins. i'll judge other for the simplest things....yes i'm a horrible person. ok well not really, i'm pretty awesome. 

earning money is soooo hard, i had to work for 12 hours and berbuka when it almost 8PM. ok hiperbola. mostly at 7.30PM. JB buka around 7.15 ok, how bout that? and i have to stand the whole time too. i'd go back home feeling very sore. cis, menyesal aku reject McD's punya offer HAHAHAHA at least berbuka dapat makanan free. but its okay. lumrah hidup. kalau nak senang je pi cari sugar daddy lah kan? takyah kerja but money and expensive handbags always be presented on your feet. nak demand tak boleh sebab aku takat asasi je, sijil pun tak ada HAHAHAHA sedih siot.

and i think this is going to prepare me for real world. which is good. by the time i have to find a real job i'll already have experiences up in my sleeve. having worked for 12 hours while standing the whole time is going to be very hard to top, tbh. 

it is what it is lah. real life is though. earning money is though. everyone has big dreams, nak jadi doctor/ architect/ engineer but starting from the bottom is a good thing. it's going to teach you a lot of things----like respecting others regardless what their jobs, nationality, pangkat and such. because you've been there before. 

i'm tired lah honestly lol, setiap kali aku masuk kerja aku dah kira time untuk balik. teruk tak teruk? haha. but the smell and the scent of money buat aku kuat semula hmm :')  do it for the money, orang tua-tua cakap. HAHAHA jk. do it for...idk whatever the hell you want to do it for. maybe you do it for the duit like me? (hAH did you see the pun) or maybe because for experience, also like me lah, i'm not that mata duitan.


so here's hoping this grueling 12 hrs per day experience can bring me a lot of benefits later on. kalau tak sumpah sia-sia doooo hahaha nangis

kbai.