about
okay bye
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does it makes sense bila aku cakap, makin aku grow up makin less idealist i've became, and i've grown to be more logical, and a realist. i remember when i was a kid, i used to be quite a dreamer, you know? because i was an introverted kid (i still am) so most of my 'play time' were done indoors, at my room, in my house. i used to play alone, hahah and no, its not sad or anything. in fact i liked it. sebab imaginasi aku run really wild. i used to climb on my bed and imagine it can flies to space, and i remember how excited and happy that thought makes me feel. and a slight dissapointment bila kau tahu, deep inside your heart that those imaginations are only what they are; imaginations. it won't happen irl, like forever. and i remember feeling skeptical about love even back then, lol. i used to hate love songs and insisted on playing nasyid songs from Raihan and such. Raihan was my fav! sampai sekarang actually their songs are still good, still evergreen. nothing can beat them, tbh. because i thought the idea of love to another human is really superficial, hahah. and 'why do they always sing sad songs? if like that, don't bercinta lah.' so you could say that i was a both of a skeptical and a dreamer when i was a kid. never thought such combination will exist, but somehow it did.
and then now, at the age of 18 and barely 19, i'm still irked by the idea of 'romantic love' and held an opinion that such love should be not more relevant than other kinds of love-say; family-bonded love, platonic love. romantic love between two people who are not friends nor family still, somehow sounds superficial to me. but, time to time aku still, wants to fall in love hahahah. kenapa aku bagi lagu suzy kat atas tu? because i thought the song is interesting and it matches the type of love i want to experience, but i probably never really will. ok so the song is basically about how when you're in love with this person like very, very deeply, they'll become your preference. like, the things that they like, you'll like. you never really care about sports before, but because your partner is obsessed with it, you'll automatically grown to love it. its like, losing yourself. losing your own preference, because you want to match theirs. i like the song because i can't relate to it HAHAHAHA pelik kan? some people like certain songs because they could relate to them but i'm basically the opposite. i'm not sad at all, in fact i'm quite content but my playlist to go these days are sad, emotional break up songs. idk why? i just like to listen to how emotional the songs are, how exactly the feelings feels like....because i never felt that way before. and one more thing, i really liked how fragile the lyrics are, and how suzy sounds in this. or is it just me? haha. because i think that's what going to happen when you completely in love with this certain someone. you have burnt your bridges and walls down, there's nothing that going to guard you from now on. you're completely vulnerable. you're fragile. you're breakable.
hahahah aku cakap macam aku ni dah tua gila je. idk, maybe one day i'll find someone who is worthy of burning my walls and bridges for. maybe i will never, in like my entire life but who caresss but entahlah, its must've been nice to care about someone else besides yourself HAHAHAH kidding. i care about a handful amount of people besides myself already, ok. my family and my like, 4 friends. thats like 10 people in total, banyak la tu. banyak. but yea these days aku rasa macam nak jugaaaaak feeling fragile and vulnerable lols. maybe salah aku lah build these fuckin huge walls too fuckin high and goddamit nabilah you're interest span macam drama tv3, asyik ada iklan hahahah. one day you thought 'heyyyy i'm feelin the butterflies' and the other day, 'who the hell is he.' and also your weird taste in guys...at this rate you're probably not going to date in like the next 5 years... but whatever. sometimes it nice being this way. it saves you from the messy broken heart problem, and you feel more free. 'i'm like a biiirddd i'll only fly awaaay' ok bye
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