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okay bye
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life's been so fucking stressful these days. opening books and doing exercise, writing a speech, create a logo using photoshop-a process that took me almost 5 hours when the end product is mediocre, countless powerpoint slides...and to top it all i have five degree courses selection to choose and i wanted a retake for my calculus paper but i heard nothing from the pihak asasi when they told me they were going to inform about the retakes by this week. and to think if there is a retake i have to learn again 6 chapters of calculus in less than a month, which i had flopped when i had 3 months to learn it. i'm just so fucking done?? with everything?? maybe going to a new university this September might not be a bad decision after all. i'm tired and these past few weeks have been draining the life out of me, physically and spiritually. i used to shift between period of feeling superior and inferior to others but these days, takde dah superior. 24 hours a day aku rasa inferior. i'm feeling what people call as 'self-inadequacy' and i don't like it, not even one bit. my self confidence has notably decreasing. and because of that i'm becoming a little bit bitchier. i hate it when someone appears smarter, luckier than i am. i started to notice everything that i'm lacking. i begin to downplay other people's achievement to feed my own insecurity. fuck all of this tbh. i just want to leave all of this and just do stuffs that i used to enjoy and love doing but i just can't seem to have the time to do because of all of this student life stuffs. i just want to drop everything seriously ;-; what is the point of my goals anyway ;-; when this cycle will never ends ;-; i'm going to have it even more harsher when i continue my undergraduate studies this september. i don't even know anymore?? thinking about my ambition and goals used to inspire me but these days it kinda weighed me down. if money is not a limitation, honestly i'd just stop giving any fucks altogether and take a fucking long rest and be more relaxed bcs even if i mess up at this point, it wont matter. i can always blow da money and sign up for a medical school abroad bcs i still want to be a psychiatrist though. ok time to recollect myself and remind myself all the qualities i have that can makes me feel superior to others, bye. .
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