art.ificial

10.3.16

❝late night thoughts❞

manusia ni memang sejak azali ada sisi narsistik dalam diri masing-masing hahah. tak kisahlah banyak tahap 'akulah king of the world' ataupun cukup-cukup makan je 'hmm aku nampak comel hari ni.'

sebab apa? sebab kan. i have to admit, aku interested gila nak tahu what other people think of me-but personality wise. sebab aku ni jenis yang ada dunia sendiri dalam kepala otak sendiri so i never really bother about other people, 98% of my time banyak yang aku spent just..being inside my head. so aku jenis yang buat sesuka hati even dekat public sebab aku tak rasa pun other people pay any attention to me..aku ni jenis yang disebalik tabir, kadang-kadang ada manusia yang claim kewujudan aku pun diorang tak tahu even dah bertahun-tahun satu sekolah. haritu lawat sekolah balik agih pulut kuning, ada cikgu tu tanya aku wether aku pernah sekolah kat situ ke lol. but granted, dia memang tak pernah ajar aku. but benda macam ni aku selalu dapat jadi tak mengejutkan mana. haha but sampailah masa form 4 tak silap. Eyra tiba-tiba datang kat aku cakap, "awak cool lah." aku macam ..okay? lol. apa yang aku buat???

alasan dia-tak silaplah. aku nampak cool, sebab aku buat je benda yang aku nak buat-like in a sense di mana i don't give a damn about what other people might think of me..that is partially correct. aku bukan tak peduli because i'm a badass b*tch who have high a self esteem, tapi sebab aku tak tahu pun orang lain ambil peduli pasal aku in the first place. like really? people really do observe me?? i never know that, i thought i was practically invisible..lol.

and after that pretty much semua yang komen pasal personaliti aku cakap benda yang sama. 'nampak macam tak pedulikan orang lain,' 'hidup dalam kepala otak sendiri..' padahal depa tak tahu aku memang peduli pasal imej aku lagi-lagi in public. I'm self aware in that sense. tapi cara aku overcome rasa tak selesa dijudge di public tu, instead of doing things i normally wont, i will just be..me. sebab kalau aku kena judge pun, i will be judged for who i am, not who i pretend to be. tapi mostly aku rasa selesa jadi diri sendiri sebab..aku tak rasa pun ada strangers yang really care about my existence..i'm just another face in the crowds, tbh.

so my opinion is that- we should just let loose and tak payah risau sangat pasal other people might judge us, because quite frankly, manusia adalah makhluk narsisis. diorang tak put a great deal of care towards other people rather than themselves. like kita might rasa malu pasal some embarassing things yang kita buat depan public-but actually diorang bukannya kisah sangat. diorang might judge kita time tu, but bila diorang balik rumah, will they still laugh at our stupidity? nahh, banyak lagi kerja diorang ada lol. we're just another..dust in stranger's mind. they'll flick us off and that's that.

that being said, what the people closest to you think of you is rather important. simply because they know you better than strangers do. my dad said 'macam mana nak jadi ahli psikologi kalau panas baran?' and time tu baru aku sedar yang aku memang panas baran lol. sometimes, we're too fixed on things about us that we want to see, that we forgot about everything else. i always see myself as the calm and composed one. it takes a lot to piss me off. tapi bila aku tengah stress memang volcano errupted ah. i only noticed that after my father bring it up.

anddd one of my uncles cakap yang asasi perubatan sesuai dengan personaliti aku and instantly i wonder why? which area of my personality boleh dikaitkan dengan course tu, really? i hope it's not being patient because i'm sure as hell i'm not.

ciao.

song of the day!-Aquilo-Losing You.

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