aaaaahhhhh a prompt post.

okay so spm is like 17 days away. ISNT TAHT AWESOME. /mumbles/ fck this sht i'm going to narnia

7 days, and we got only a day off. tu pun sebab cuti awal muharam. rasanya boleh dengar bunyi unicorn dalam hutan belantara nangis teresak esak. sebab salah satu penyambung legasi unicorn iaitu aku dilanda ancaman kepupusan sebab aku PENAT SANGAT lmao.

okay, maybe aku sometimes come across as a bit. unresponsive when it comes to emotional thingy..and showing affection, but that doesn't mean i don't care. I CARE, AN AWFULLY LOT. but I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHOW IT. been through something that buat aku fear any kind of rejection, so bila someone tunjuk, even the most subtle hint yang diorang may tak perlukan aku, aku back off. i will not even try to argue to stay, i will just simply leave, regardless how i feel about that person. so befriending me, you'll have to stumble upon rough patches along the way. i'm suck at reading emotional cues, so kalau kau sakit hati atau marah, aku slowww gila nak detect. bukan sebab sengaja. bila aku dah detect, datang pulak masalah lain. aku tak tahu nak react mcm mana. good thing is i rarely take anything at heart. aku takkan cepat terasa atau sentap. tapi sekali aku sentap, aku sentap real hard. and real painful, for me at least. i hateeee conflicts, so aku akan cepat cepat mengalah kalau bergaduh, even kalau aku betul. sebab benda yang aku paling tak boleh handle ialah sesi tarik muka/ sesi tak bertegur sapa. aku tak suka benda tu, sebab aku dah pernah face the exact thing sebelum ni and lepas tu memang aku dah fobia. i treasure my friends, a lot. regardless how long we have been friends because who the hell cares berapa lama pun, the fact that we clicked instantly dah cukup. and maybe aku ni sucks at tunjukkan affection aku, haritu buat sesi tulis short letter, and then bagi kat each other, and i keep mine short and simple, and as light as possible. because for me, aku tak pandai express kan how much i really appreciate them, not from actions nor words. but it doesn't matter if it's short or long, the things i said are truthfully honest, they came from my heart which i don't frequently trust. haha.

it's just that lately i felt like an awful friend. aku faham tak semua perlu ikut cara aku. lain orang, lainlah. aku faham yang kelemahan bagi aku tak semestinya kelemahan bagi diorang. aku sendiri patut belajar yang takkan selamanya aku nak jadi aloof? being with feelers, aku belajar yang sometimes aku kena let out, express apa yang aku rasa. kalau tak, aku yang rugi. aku sendiri tak pasti kalau being this mechanical hearted adalah some kind of self defence atau pun maybe memang aku punya perangai. self defence, sebab aku takut giving everything away, and it will later on make me feel like i'm entirely exposed. that's why i keep everything inside. that's why i build barriers. i refused to get hurt.

i refused to let my guard down.

but you know what, some people are just worth melting for.

some people are worth of all of those pain i might go through. some people are worth to see who i actually am, inside. some people are worth to know how much i need and appreciate them.

and those people, yes you, you freaks. you don't have any idea how lucky you are  how i realllyy really reaaalllly reallly 

disgustingly adores all of you.

ermagerd i might need to wash my eyeballs and my brains off after this