|friend friend friend friend friend friend||friend friend friend friend friend friend||friend friend friend friend friend friend|
who sleep with the lights on
not because they're terrified of the dark
but because they're afraid of
their own minds.
credits© 2015 - layout created by yours truly.
I'm suuuuper glad that weekend's finally here!!! semalam sumpah rasa macam masa berjalan lama gilaaa and then the clock strikes 6, and i'm free as a bird. well not fully yet. haven't quit. but god knows how my hand is fucking itching to hand in a resignation letter. i mean, the job isn't that terrible, i'm just bored and oh yea my earphone broke for the nth time last tuesday!!! right after i wrote a post in here how much i can't live without it. how ironic. and then came the deadly combo---tedious, routine work + no mental stimulation + nothing to distract me = hell. i kept yawning every 30 seconds. i almost fall asleep while standing. which is nice.
and so the result for my degree course came out friday last week, and YA ALLAH AKU BERSYUKUR SANGAT SANGAT hahahahahaha. i was at work when the link can be officially opened and my hands trembled so much. at tea break i rushed to my mom so that i can open the link using her phone because my internet sucks, and then because i was too frantic i didn't get to open the link. everyone was already making so much fuss over the class's group chat. and there i was, didn't have any clue or idea what did i got, until 3 hours later.
honestly tipu la kalau aku takde pasang harapan kan. tapi aku try untuk tak berharap sangat, sebab takut kecewa. so aku brainwashed diri sendiri, saying that my second choice is not that bad. i mean, the pay is going to be high, and blah blah blah. saying that how proud i am of myself no matter what the outcome will be, because i've done and grown soooo much. and, that my achievements shouldn't be the benchmark of how proud i should be of myself. after all, it's the journey that matters more than the destination, am i right? and then there's also the fact that i was only a calon tambahan. i was not more than a reserved player. kalau ada kecederaan, kad merah ke apa, baru aku dapat main. kalau tak, i'll just spend the rest of 90 minutes sitting on the bench, being a spectator. hah, power tak metafora aku?
and so it goes, until the moment of truth. lepas solat, time tu dah masa balik but i have to wait for my mom's shift to end at 6.30 so aku lepak la dalam surau, boleh baring-baring. k tak penting. my mom came in to solat too, a perfect timing. so i borrowed her phone, again, and checked my result again. time aku type in aku punya details untuk log in tu, aku dah terima dah dalam hati kalau nama second choice (or third, or fourth, or fifth---you get the drill) tertera kat situ-----and then i held my breath-----
AKU DAPAATTTTTTTTTTTTT MEDICCCCCCCC
Alhamdulillah T_________T honestly, the journey untuk setakat dapatkan tempat untuk course ni pun agak mencabar you know??? do you have any idea how depressed and stressed out i have been just because of this shit???? i was sooo sure that i won't get a place that i've already contacted a few of IPTS. i wasn't even supposed to get the interview offer. but Allah is the best planner lah i tell u. masa panggilan interview pertama aku tak dapat sebab cgpa aku tak lepas HAHAHAHAHA and i remember feeling quite accepting about it because i kinda foresaw it coming. and then out of the blue, ada panggilan interview kedua. and i got it. it was at work also when i found that out, and i remember jumping infront of the surau sebab aku terkejut gila HAHAHAH lepastu masuk balik surau untuk bagitahu my mom. 'umi!!! dapat interview!!' and my cheeks felt hot, because i was so happy.
and then i went for the interview alone. HAHAHAHA. my parents couldn't make it, because of work. didn't really mind though, because i was actually quite excited to take a trip to KL alone. serious talk, this is not me being sarcastic lol. and then lepas interview, pergi TBS by grab and then i remember my phone's battery almost died so i had to stayed at the fakulti's surau to charge it just enough so that i can order a grab before going out. dahlah time tu hujan....hahahaha. serious struggle gila. and then my phone finally died right when i was just about to text my mom that i'll arive at larkin soon. ah, memories.
i'm still not excited about going back to UPM though lol.
but yes, the moral of this story is that----
1) if you want something so bad, then work towards realizing it. jangan give up sebelum race tamat. i know a few of others who want to be a doctor but was too scared and not confident that they can make it so they put other course as their first choice (and medic as second). aku sedar yang cgpa aku so-so je compared to others with their impressive 4.00 or 3.90s who's also vying for a spot in medicine but i went and put medicine as my first choice anyway. sebab simple ialah sebab aku cuma minat medicine je dalam bebanyak course kat UPM tu. it's like-----putting all your money and savings dekat atas meja judi. haha, another metafora.
2) second chances may sounds like some fairytale shit, but it does exist.
3) jangan pedulikan apa orang cakap!!!
4) a low chance is still a chance. at least kalau tak dapat pun we've tried and i think that's better than not trying at all, and then ended up biting your fingers, thinking how things would've turned out if you just take a chance.
5) rezeki. this whole thing buat aku terpikir yang kalau memang dah takdir and rezeki aku tak jadi doktor, dapat lah 4 flat sekalipun, aku takkan jadi. and vice versa. so, put your trust in Him.
all right. intellectual tak post ni? hahahah. so in less than a month i'll start the journey to my dream, and a grueling 5 years of studies, 2 years of slaving myself to government hospitals, lots of bloods, lots of body fluids, lots of nighmarish patients, gaji ciput tak setanding penat lelah, being overworked almost to the point of your body giving up on you, tONS of on calls, no more privileges of 'cuti' or 'weekends', and then another 4 years of studying for specialization.....I CAN'T WAIT. gee golly this is going to be fun.